0. Preface#
This is my first attempt to summarize the events of this month in this way, which is very unfamiliar to me, and I am worried that I will not be able to express myself well.
"You should think of memory as the residue of thought. This means that the more you think about something, the more likely you are to remember it in the future."
- Professor Daniel Willingham
Looking back, I realized that there were actually many more things that happened this month than I imagined, and the perception of memory varies depending on different perspectives.
For the fact that "anything can change," because people instinctively fear and feel uneasy about the unknown, in order to make themselves comfortable, they resist and discipline themselves throughout their lives, constantly raising the threshold for triggering fear, and strive to learn how to accept and utilize it, making "fun" out of the eternal "suffering."
"Man is but a reed, the most feeble thing in nature; but he is a thinking reed."
- Pascal, "Pensées"
1. What I Experienced#
1.1 Work#
First of all, my main job is still a programmer (backend development), and I don't have a side job.
In the first half of this month, my main focus at work was on a long and complex technical project, which took me more than a month to complete.
For this type of long-term technical project that requires independent design and self-driven execution, even though I have done similar projects a few times before, it is still considered a job that I am "not very good at." My leader has pointed out many issues to me during our one-on-one meetings, and I always reflect on them during the review process, just like this time. This type of project happens to hit several of my current unresolved weaknesses:
1️⃣ I tend to avoid difficult tasks
The technical complexity of these projects is often high, so when executing them, I often want to avoid them and fantasize about not having to solve them.
In the process of avoidance, I also feel afraid, more of a feeling that I cannot change the situation.
The result of this is that it greatly affects the efficiency of project execution because I often feel anxious and don't want to do it.
In retrospect, this problem is actually a bad habit I developed a long time ago, and recently I have been able to explain why:
- Catastrophic thinking about the future
- Self-attack and denial (rumination)
- Limitations of fixed mindset (believing that abilities are fixed, and every task is a proof and confirmation of abilities)
Thinking about why this habit developed, I realized that it is related to my upbringing, the education I received from childhood, and feedback from others.
I only started to truly address this issue about a year ago and began to make targeted changes, such as self-care, changing my mindset, and constant reminders. Everyone has their own solutions that work for them, and for me, most of the struggle is before actually taking action. Compared to before, there has been some improvement, but it is still challenging to overcome, and recently I discovered a practice that has been most helpful for me:
Doing these tasks during the time when I have good energy and a good state of mind, which for me is in the morning, and trying to relax before starting.
2️⃣ I never think clearly about why I should do something
When I do these types of tasks, I often start by hearing someone else's (or my own) "rough" reasons for doing it, and then I focus on how to implement it.
But I often ignore or don't pay much attention to the specific explanations and details of the reasons for doing it, so I often can't explain clearly what the specific goal of the task is.
(It seems that when I assign tasks to myself, I tend to think more like an "executor" rather than a "planner.")
The result of this may be (embarrassingly, I have personally experienced all of the following results):
- The reasons for doing the task are actually unreasonable or may cause other problems, wasting manpower and causing worse results
- Deviating from the goal-oriented design, there will always be modifications or rework needed in the later stages, which may result in greater "sunk costs"
- Discovering that the return on investment (ROI) of doing the task is low, meaning that the significance of doing the task is not significant, and missing out on the opportunity to invest time in more important and productive tasks
- Low level of attention to the results of the task, neglecting to measure the quantitative results and specific benefits of the task, not to mention thinking about ways to maximize the benefits of the task
Similarly, if the goal is not clear, it will definitely affect your motivation to do the task, especially for projects that require long-term commitment.
This "bad habit" also prevents me from developing my data analysis skills and sensitivity to data metrics, especially the underlying principles behind the metrics. If I don't pay attention to the results and data, I will always be limited to a "bricklayer" perspective and unable to delve deeper into the task or come up with better optimizations.
In the business context, it means not being able to deeply understand the business, and business sense is actually accumulated through these processes, which is an important "soft" skill.
(I remember at a conference this month, my leader asked me to explain a certain metric, and my answer at that time was wrong and awkward)
So after experiencing many "pitfalls," I now require myself to convince myself and others of why I should do a task before starting it. I also try to find quantitative metrics to clearly observe the changes in the results of the task, and I also strive to stay goal-oriented.
In the latter half of this month, while aligning with my quarterly goals at work, I suddenly received an important change in work arrangements - to support another business direction (also another department) until the end of the quarter, and hand over the work I was working on to someone else.
In our company, "embracing change" has become commonplace, and changes are always common, so I didn't have much psychological fluctuation at that time. As for why I was chosen to support this change, it seems that I am more suitable because this direction is something I worked on two years ago and I am familiar with it.
When discussing this change with my leader, he mentioned a requirement that is very important to me - to provide more judgments and decisions.
In fact, this is similar to what I mentioned earlier about thinking about the goals of a task. The focus of "judgment and decision-making" is also to move away from the role of an "executor."
I understand that in the company, improving one's influence and demonstrating one's abilities is best achieved through the output of judgments and decisions.
Because this can show how deeply you have thought about something and whether you are "smart" in a different way, whether you can take on greater "responsibility," etc.
Similarly, this is what I find impressive about the leaders and mentors around me, because I have found that they are able to provide more and very critical judgments and decisions.
And how to achieve this is to think more about the task and dare to provide output, which requires deliberate practice and stepping out of one's comfort zone.
Of course, whether the results of thinking and output are correct and reasonable, whether they can innovate and expand more, and whether they can find key points in a timely manner, all require accumulation over time.
1.2 Life#
In July, Beijing had a lot of rain. Although it was less compared to the rain in my hometown, Chongqing, it still felt like there was much more rain than usual.
The rain in Beijing is always unpredictable, and the weather forecast is not very accurate. Sometimes it starts raining with a gust of wind, or a dark cloud starts to accumulate in the sky.
However, this month, I always saw a round and bright moon on my way back, which gave me a sense of comfort and tranquility. I couldn't help but stop and take some photos:
In July, Xiao Jiao officially started working after graduating. She finally understood the meaning behind the four words "don't want to go to work" that I used to mention.
The actual work at the company was very different from what she expected, and it was quite torturous for her: formalistic management systems, a boss full of male chauvinism, two-faced colleagues who played mind games and bullied the weak, a product manager who used hierarchy to cover up their lack of ability and enjoyed teasing others, and a repressive and unfriendly work atmosphere. It can be considered a true "social adversity," which brings more and more internal conflicts and unhealthy growth.
Every time I hear Xiao Jiao talk about these things, my heart aches for her. In an environment where interests are paramount, no one really cares about you unless you can bring them benefits and not be a "trouble."
Fortunately, she will officially leave this environment at the end of this month, and I hope she can find a job she loves and an environment that fosters her healthy growth.
In July, I went back to Chongqing because of some family matters.
Although I spent most of the three days and two nights on the road, every time I returned to this familiar environment, with mountains, bridges, rivers, rain, and heat... it made me feel more at ease and brought back some nostalgic but unnecessary emotions. The mention of my hometown always carries some stubbornness and attachment.
I don't know when I will return to Chongqing next time.
2. Insights#
2.1 Honestly Facing Myself#
I am actually a very anxious and easily conflicted person. This is reflected in:
Sometimes when I see other people's "achievements," I always unconsciously compare myself to them and tend to negate myself, even if I know that we are not on the same path, I may still be inspired and have the desire to learn from them, but at the same time, I don't want to learn from them because I should know that I cannot achieve what they have achieved, and if I can't achieve it, I will feel uncomfortable and negate myself. I may also develop a sense of jealousy or envy, which makes me feel uncomfortable.
In the process of getting along with Xiao Jiao, I am always afraid of making mistakes and sometimes act very cautiously, even if the matter is trivial to her, I still worry about how she will perceive me and consider how to avoid and reduce risks. And if I do make a mistake, it becomes a very torturous experience for me, and when I can't understand it, it becomes even more difficult.
How to solve this? Sometimes I feel like I have the answer, and I feel more comfortable for a while. Sometimes I feel like I don't have the answer, and I feel uncomfortable for a while.
But the only thing I can be sure of is to first honestly face myself, my flaws and strengths, and express abstract feelings and thoughts, just like I am doing now (to myself), because this is how you can identify the problems you need to solve. After all, if you don't know the problem, how can you find the answer?
How to reconcile with myself may be the topic I will explore for the next few years.
2.2 From Problem Presenter to Problem Solver#
I recently had an insight (although it seems like common sense, it has been very helpful to me), which is:
If you encounter something that troubles you, don't just complain, try to shift your perspective from being a problem presenter to being a problem solver.
For example, a recent issue I encountered:
As usual, I complained about feeling dizzy after taking a nap and then started waiting, hoping that it would go away on its own.
When I realized that I had presented the problem of "how to solve dizziness after taking a nap," I started to shift my perspective and began searching for information to find a solution.
Although I have heard this principle many times before, it only remained as knowledge. Once I started applying it to actual situations, it truly became effective.
3. Recommended Things#
3.1 Books#
- "The Veil": It tells a story of love and redemption in troubled times, an extramarital affair, and a woman's love and self-redemption.
- "Antifragile": Nietzsche once said, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger," and this book tells us what is easily killed and how to become stronger.
- "10x Easier than 2x"
I didn't expect that the 10x mindset could be summarized into a thinking framework. Some key points that left an impression on me:
The 10x goal is actually a high-leverage strategy goal with significant advantages.
Abandoning 80% of the existing tasks and focusing on the desired 20% can bring more high-quality freedom.
Compared to the 2x mindset, it is non-linear and counterintuitive, meaning that significant growth often requires less but better effort.
It requires reducing quantity and focusing on continuously improving the quality of all tasks.
Raising the threshold of your lowest standard is the foundation for achieving a 10x transformation.
(Counterintuitive point) A 10x goal may be easier to achieve than a 2x goal.
The "desired" way of life is to choose freedom and desire to create, which can lead to a 10x return.
There are many points in it that I feel are similar to deliberate practice, but what sets it apart is that it summarizes and extracts this thinking framework using the concept of 10x. It makes the abstract concept more concrete, making it easier to implement and practice as a foundation or principle. This is very difficult to do, and I admire the author for this. It has also helped me expand my cognitive perspective.
Although it is still challenging for me to practice this in daily life (to the point that my interest in reading decreased when the author mentioned that this type of thinking is often suitable for "managers"), it has subtly brought about some changes. In my daily work and life, for example: I have started to do "subtraction" in my tasks, meaning that I focus on important and challenging tasks, and other trivial matters are dealt with in a concentrated or scheduled time period; I have started to set higher standards for myself, such as getting more output for the same task, gradually getting used to this standard, and then continuously raising the threshold, just like the job requirements at my current level.
Considering that the later parts are not very relevant to me, I have only read Part 1, which includes the first three chapters. That's where I stopped reading this book.
- "Let's Take a Walk on Saturday Night": A very cute and warm collection of poems, just like the title suggests, discovering poetic corners in everyday life.
3.2 Movies and TV Shows#
- "Looking for Teddy": I watched this comedy film because of Shen Teng and Ma Li. The theme is "Chinese-style education." It is a qualified comedy film, but it is a horror film wrapped in comedy.
4. Outlook for the Next Month#
- Get involved in the new business direction (with effective effort) and try to provide more judgments and decisions.
- Maintain enthusiasm for life, participate in more activities and outings with Xiao Jiao, and take some beautiful photos.
- Continue to produce summaries and retrospectives like this one.